Breast Cancer

“I have cancer.”

/ Jennifer / 3 Comments

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One of the things that people don’t tell you about having cancer is how hard it is to tell other people about your diagnosis. I mean, who wants to call someone they care about and drop a giant turd like that?

I’m still in the process of telling people. There are friends whom I care about but don’t talk to often that I still haven’t told. It’s just awkward. “Hey, I know it’s been a couple of months since we spoke, but I have cancer.”

See? Awkward as hell.

But here’s the thing about telling: It actually feels kind of good once you get past the awkward part. The amount of support I’ve felt in the last two weeks from family, friends and coworkers has been incredible. It has moved me to tears more than once. And it has reminded me that even though I’ve been dealt a pretty shitty hand, I’m also incredibly fortunate.

So, I’ll keep telling. The awkward will pass, but what I’ve found is the love will remain.

The Worst Layover Ever

/ Jennifer / 8 Comments

I found out I have cancer as I was boarding a plane in the Atlanta airport, en route to Chicago for a work trip. My boss and another coworker were with me. I stood in the crowded terminal, struggling to hear and comprehend the words of the radiologist while boarding orders were announced and fellow travelers streamed around me.

It was like a scene out of some kind of really terrible chick flick.

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This is not where you want to receive really terrible news.

But we don’t get to choose where we get shitty news like this. And we don’t get to choose the point in life when something like this happens. Were I to get that choice, I’d decide at 102 it was time and they could throw whatever they wanted at me.

Instead, I got cancer at age 37. Thirty-freaking-seven. I don’t smoke, I exercise regularly and I’m relatively healthy. I have an almost-two-year-old. I am just starting to hit my stride in my career. My marriage is great. I am comfortable. I am happy. Why the hell is this happening now?!

The thing is, cancer doesn’t give a damn what you’ve got going on. Happy and healthy? Too bad. Old and alone? Sorry, not sorry. Broke and barely getting by? Tough shit.

Cancer is an asshole, and cancer does not care. And that’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned, thus far. It doesn’t matter who you are, where you are or what you’re doing. It can happen to anyone.

So, I’ve become that annoying person who reminds everyone to do their breast checks and go to their annual physicals and get that weird mole checked out. Yes, those things can be annoying and slightly scary, but they also can give you the gift of time that can save your life. I’m thankful I found my lump when I did and not a year from now. And as anyone with this disease will tell you, any little leg up you can get in this battle is good.

All that said, this blog is mostly a place for me to dump my feelings and experiences. If someone else can get something from it, that’s even better. Thanks for reading.