Pinktober

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OK, y’all, I have to get up on my soapbox for a minute. My apologies.

It’s October again. That means the pinkpalooza of Breast Cancer Awareness Month is in full swing. Everything from pink candy to cosmetics to exercise equipment will be hitting the shelves of stores across the country under the guise of doing something good to help combat breast cancer.

But here’s the thing: Most of that stuff does absolutely nothing but generate profits for the company that produces it. Slapping a pink ribbon on something doesn’t make it worthwhile–it makes it a gimmick.

Fortunately, there are some companies raising actual funds for breast cancer research and support. Bustle published a very good list recently. I also noticed this past weekend that Loft is asking customers to donate to the Breast Cancer Research Foundation, in addition to donating 60 percent of proceeds from a line of jewelry to the nonprofit.

Another thing I’ve noticed is the return of all those stupid viral things on social media, asking people to simply post a heart on their profile or the color of their bra or whatever for “breast cancer awareness.” This does NOTHING to raise awareness for breast cancer. This helps NO ONE. In fact, it trivializes something very serious into a juvenile game. I mean, do you see men posting emojis and their underwear color to raise awareness for prostate cancer? No. So please, I beg of you, stop sharing this pointless crap.

If you really want to share something on social media that can be helpful in raising awareness, this image is an excellent choice. It illustrates how many different ways symptoms of breast cancer can manifest. A lump isn’t the only sign, and it’s important to be aware of all the other possible symptoms.

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Finally, if you plan to mark this month by donating to a breast cancer charity, first of all, let me applaud you and say thank you. Secondly, let me point you in the direction of charities that do real good for the breast cancer community, and who have been proven to allocate the majority of their donations to research/support of breast cancer patients/survivors.

One of those groups is METAvivor, which raises awareness and funds for metastatic breast cancer patients and research. Here’s the thing: Early detection is great, but it’s no guarantee that a woman won’t die of this disease. Breast cancer is a wily beast, and when it metastasizes (i.e. spreads to other parts of the body and becomes Stage IV), that is when people die. And the sad fact is, there is an appalling lack of funding going into metastatic research/support. METAvivor works to remedy that problem, and they are definitely worth your support.

The Young Survival Coalition is another great group, particularly for young patients/survivors like me. They provide resources and tools for young women facing this disease. Living Beyond Breast Cancer is another great group that offers a wealth of support to patients and survivors.

And, of course, The American Cancer Society is always a good choice for supporting research to end this horrible disease for all.

There are others out there, but my best advice to you is to do your homework before you donate. Make sure the organization allocates the majority of your donation to its mission. And make sure the products you purchase are actually funding something, and not just a marketing ploy.

All that said, I’m glad people want to help and be aware. And I hope that everyone takes the opportunity this month to check themselves to make sure nothing looks or feels strange or different. I discovered my own cancer by feeling a lump, so doing self-checks matter. Be vigilant, be aware, and be thoughtful.

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On Pause

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So, since my preventative oophorectomy back in May, I’ve been in full-on menopause. This is a super-fun condition to be in during August in the South.

I’ve actually been in a menopausal state for more than a year now, since chemo sent me into a chemically-induced menopause last year. But with that, I didn’t really get the full symptoms that I’m experiencing now–hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, weight gain.

Physical symptoms aside, being menopausal at 38 is a peculiar thing. While the rest of my peer group is still far from this stage of life (some are even still having children), I’m swapping complaints and cooling strategies with women 15 years my senior.

It’s sort of like having breast cancer (or cancer in general) at a young age. It feels very lonely because most of your friends have no idea what it’s like or what you’re going through. And if they can relate, it’s likely because one of their parents has dealt with the disease.

Looking around the cancer center, I’m usually one of the youngest people in the waiting room. And a lot of the older patients look at me either with bewilderment or pity. I often see eyes quickly dart from my face to my wrist–seeing my patient bracelet confirming, yes, I have cancer, too.

I think this is one of the hardest things that no one talks about when it comes to being a young survivor–the sense of loneliness and feeling sort of out of place in your own life. As much as my friends and loved ones are here for me, they really don’t know how this all feels, physically or emotionally. I’m still me, but I’m very different now and my view of the world has changed dramatically.

I think that’s why so many of us manage to find each other online, and why groups like the Young Survival Coalition are so important. Sometimes it’s just nice to commiserate with someone who completely understands. I have found some of that in this last year, but I’m still looking for my “tribe,” as the kids say these days.

In the meantime, I’ll be over here sweating it out, anxiously awaiting fall.